Saul Goodman (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
5055034455) wrote2013-04-01 01:01 pm
5055034455) wrote2013-04-01 01:01 pm
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❝ This is Saul Goodman. Leave a message. ❞
❝ This is Saul Goodman. Leave a message. ❞
In what bizarro world have I landed myself that you're going to play defense and I'm siding with the prosecution?
Ha ha ha go fuck yourself. You are NOT siding with the prosecution. As a matter of fact, you are going to take about five giant steps backwards away from the case as a whole. I would sooner travel back in time to recruit a drunken bum to act as pros. than have you serve.
Yeah? So it'll be you and what other lawyer? Wayne doesn't deal with trials like this. Or are you not planning on going that route at all?
Me and the drunken bum I recruit from back in time. Obviously.
You wouldn't know the first thing about playing prosecutor, and I would be in bad ethical standing if I let you pretend.
You wouldn't know the first thing about playing prosecutor, and I would be in bad ethical standing if I let you pretend.
There's a Fuji-sized mountain of evidence against them, Sonya. They put everyone's lives in danger with their "peaceful protest" — they deserve what's coming to them.
OK
That's great
That's also not relevant to the discussion we're having right now.
That's great
That's also not relevant to the discussion we're having right now.
No. Guilty or not guilty, forgivable or not forgivable, are arguments for the court. And here's the thing about the court, Goodman: you need to step into it with clear eyes and a clear mind. You go in feeling wronged, you go in with a chip on your shoulder, that's when you end up interfering in the course of justice. That's when you damn well recuse yourself.
Defense attorneys can fight with every trick in the book; they can go in full of emotions and aspirations and emotional connections. That's fine, because the worst thing that can happen is that the defendant gets off. A prosecutor's got to be better, nobler, fairer, because when we fuck up and fight too hard, that's when the entire system falls apart.
Defense attorneys can fight with every trick in the book; they can go in full of emotions and aspirations and emotional connections. That's fine, because the worst thing that can happen is that the defendant gets off. A prosecutor's got to be better, nobler, fairer, because when we fuck up and fight too hard, that's when the entire system falls apart.
Fine.
Do whatever the fuck you want. I'm already getting slack for not being a good enough "leader" and now I'm going to have people crawling up my ass for not being Mr. Lawyer when I keep shoving it in people's faces that that's what I do, so okay. Great. Let me be useless.
Do whatever the fuck you want. I'm already getting slack for not being a good enough "leader" and now I'm going to have people crawling up my ass for not being Mr. Lawyer when I keep shoving it in people's faces that that's what I do, so okay. Great. Let me be useless.
[...blergh.]
Look. I know you're a heterosexual upper-middle-class white man, so having people jump down your throat en masse just because they can is probably a pretty new experience for you. But take some advice from an expert: you'll be OK.
[And, fine, maybe something a little nicer:]
People are dicks. But here's a secret about dicks: they can only be angry and hard for so long. Before you know it they're limp and flaccid and can't even stand up again for hours. And, look, they're already at the point where they're jizzing all over you: the process is almost over.
Look. I know you're a heterosexual upper-middle-class white man, so having people jump down your throat en masse just because they can is probably a pretty new experience for you. But take some advice from an expert: you'll be OK.
[And, fine, maybe something a little nicer:]
People are dicks. But here's a secret about dicks: they can only be angry and hard for so long. Before you know it they're limp and flaccid and can't even stand up again for hours. And, look, they're already at the point where they're jizzing all over you: the process is almost over.
WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE DICKS WITH YOU?
Hey, I just know my audience. The way you get through to guys like you is you use dick metaphors. It's basically the only thing your sort understands.
I'd really like to know what your plan is, Sonya. Have you forgotten about the lack of a legal system?
wow what the heck why did I never reply to this????
controlledvariable
2013-11-20 03:23 am (UTC)(link)
Didn't I tell you not to freak out?
[You know what? Nevermind, she's just going to pull him into a hug, because she was really fucking scared.]
[You know what? Nevermind, she's just going to pull him into a hug, because she was really fucking scared.]
I'm not in charge of that.
Are you just looking for an excuse to punch me in the face?
Are you just looking for an excuse to punch me in the face?
No, but I've been getting an awful lot of threats lately...
You're the one with the little trading cart, right?
You're the one with the little trading cart, right?
Call your bitch attack dog off, Goodman
Just wondering. I admire your entrepreneurial spirit.
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