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[Saul squints over at him, expression half alarmed.] What? Jesus, kid. No. Get that outta your head.

[THE LAST THING HE NEEDS IS ANOTHER HUMAN DISASTER ON HIS HANDS PEETA PLEASE.]

These things just don't work out, sometimes. Love's complicated. It's not the end of the world, even though I know that's what it feels like. These things — y'know, they take time.

[He nods and wipes at his eyes again.] I just worry sometimes that I'm too messed up to exist. That one day I'll just fall apart.

[But he gives him that boyish smile.] But hey, how can a guy fall apart with friends like you?

[god

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Saul stops walking and grabs Peeta's shoulders with a serious, serious look on his face.]

Don't say that.

[Pause.]

The first thing, I mean.

[His smile fades quickly.] Why? I can't sleep without seeing blood and death. I wake up and sometimes it feels like I'm still in there, like any moment there will be fog or monkeys or- ...

[He stops, his face hardening, realizing he's shaking. He looks back up at him.] I never say it because there's no one else I trust. But I'm messed up, Saul. All anyone sees is this... happy boy who's in love with Katniss. I try so hard to hide how messed up I am. I try so hard.

[On the inside, Saul panics. He feels like he's staring, mouth agape, at yet another Jesse in the making. There are so many of them here: young kids who've seen way too much, done horrible things out of necessity, survived in spite of it all — but barely.

It breaks his fucking heart.

On the outside, his expression remains calm. It'll help Peeta, he thinks, if he keeps his cool. Be steady, Saul. Be a rock.

Or whatever.]

Falling apart isn't always the worst thing. Not when you've got people who'll put you back together.

[People to pull you back together. Who did he trust without a doubt? Katniss and Saul. No questions asked.

Saul is his rock. He's so different from his dad, and yet... he feels like that. Like that one person who just got him. He was surrounded by uncaring brothers and a cruel mother, but that one person made the difference. Saul cared about him. Saul quit what he was doing to help Peeta. Saul knew his past and didn't care. He just cared about him.

He loved Saul. He was like an uncle to him. It was something he wasn't sure he could say, but something he felt strongly. It was different from Haymitch. It was warmer and kinder and something that Peeta really appreciated.]

But how can you trust that people will do that? If you... if you care too much... I couldn't even trust my parents.

[And tears are rolling down his cheeks again. Good luck, Saul.]

[Saul doesn't know what he did to deserve this amount of trust from Peeta, but — okay. It's okay. He can handle it. You know, the way one might handle a Fabergé egg, or some tiny baby animal, or something else equally fragile and precious.

Jesus.

What Peeta says about his parents hits Saul hard; his own family life wasn't the best. Divorce, a step-dad who came into the picture late (and then stole Saul's second wife), everything that led up to the adoption of a new name: Goodman. Not McGill. The only person who calls him that is Stephanie.

And even then, it sounds unfamiliar.

He settles his hands on Peeta's shoulders. The hug will come soon enough, but for now, he just wants to calm the kid down.]

You can't. That's what you risk when you care about someone — there's always the chance they might hurt you, whether they mean it or not. And I know how scary it is, giving someone that power over you. But sometimes it's worth it, even just for a little while, y'know? Feeling that way. Makes you wanna do it over and over again, which will eventually make you feel like an idiot, but...

[That's love, isn't it?]

But if all else fails and there really isn't anyone around with a broom and dustpan, you've still got yourself.

[He nods a little. How worth it was it, to care about Katniss? It totally was, what with all the good times they'd had, all the secret moments and cuddles. It was worth it with Saul. He'd learned to love him, despite a hurt in the beginning.

But the last part makes his stomach drop. You've still got yourself.] You think I can?

[He doesn't trust himself, but if Saul thinks he can put himself back together... maybe there is a chance at trusting people again, of feeling complete and like a person.]

Anyone can. The trick is not hating yourself.

[And he knows way, way too many people who hate themselves.

He hopes to god Peeta isn't already one of them.]

I'm not proud of myself all the time, I may not trust myself, but I don't hate myself. I can be nice and good. And I'm pretty handsome.

[He's joking, but he really doesn't hate himself.] I don't know how you put up with me, but I'm glad you do.

I put up with you because you're so handsome.

[S-such a strong, impressive jawline, Peeta-san...!

But no, seriously.

Here comes the hug.]

You hang onto that niceness and goodness and you'll be fine, kid.

[He laughs and hugs him back. His face softens a little when he lets go.] Thank you.

[He puts extra feeling into his thank you. It means 'I love you.' It means 'I trust you.' It means 'I'm there for you, too, if you need it.' And complete gratitude for being there for him.]

You're welcome.

[And Saul means that, too. If Peeta ever needs him, he'll be here for the kid.]

I'm sorry the date didn't work out. She might not be ready for that sorta thing.

Yeah. It's okay. I mean, I wanted it to happen, but I guess she needs more time.

Time and space, maybe. Which is difficult, I know, but sometimes necessary.

[Steph wanted space for almost a month.

It sucked.]

Space? But... [He makes an upset noise.] She's one of the few people I trust.

[Okay, so he guesses he has to go into detail.]

I avoided the person I trust the most for a whole month because she needed space. You can't push things like this, Peeta. They're fragile. Push too hard, and they break.

[He's really only given Katniss space once. He nods, though he's planning on totally disregarding this advice and talking to her if he finds a good moment. Sorry Saul x_x] Yeah, okay. I'll give her some space.

[GODDAMMIT PEETA.]

Good. You wanna head to the cafeteria and grab something to eat? Or, uh — tea?

[What has this place done to him.]

Yeah, sure. If you have the time.

'course I do. C'mon.

[And with that, he'll usher Peeta towards the cafeteria.]

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