[exsilium] contact

[5055034455]

№ 150



❝ This is Saul Goodman. Leave a message. ❞

Comments

[legal_eagle]

Goodman, you're emotionally compromised and I have a strategy. Why the hell would I want your help?

[5055034455]

OK, handle it all on your own. Have fun.

[legal_eagle]

Yay. I definitely went to Harvard to become a sleazy defense attorney working pro bono. My life is great.

No offense.

[5055034455]

hey saul we have a situation

but i don't want your help

now i'm gunna whine about it

wah wah

[legal_eagle]

Holy shit, go slit your own nostrils, fuckface. Bye.

[5055034455]

It sounds a little bit to me like I might not be the only emotionally compromised one, Miss More Aggressive Than Usual.

[legal_eagle]

I said GO SLIT YOUR OWN NOSTRILS so that when you BLOW YOUR NOSE your SNOT GOES OUT THE SIDES. Asshole.

[5055034455]

I've been a little congested lately. Maybe that'll help.

What other helpful suggestions do you have?

[legal_eagle]

Maybe for you to get something to excavate your asshole? Amongst the impacted fecal matter you might find your head.

[5055034455]

oh my god is THAT where that went??

[legal_eagle]

Hooray, mystery solved

[5055034455]

What's the matter, Sonya?

[legal_eagle]

What do you mean, "what's the matter"? Nothing's the matter.

[5055034455]

Something's the matter. Don't bullshit a bullshitter.

[legal_eagle]

Fine. I don't fucking whine. And considering how you ride my ass about being more honest, you calling me a whiney baby when I'm just being frank is a pretty shitty thing.

OH IRONYYYYYY

[5055034455]

You're sending me conflicting messages and it's putting me in a position where I don't know what I'm supposed to do to help you. And I want to help you. Like I said, you've been around for me when I needed you — I'd love to return the favor.

And if the reply to that is "you can help me by not helping me," don't even bother typing it.

[legal_eagle]

I don't need help. Look, Goodman, I figured out how to be a prosecutor without anyone supporting me or helping me, with people just gleefully throwing roadblocks in my way. I think I can figure out how to do defense, too.

[5055034455]

OK, great. That's awesome. You're a brilliant, strong woman who don't need no man — or anyone else for that matter, yes, I get it. Mad props to you.

But there's got to be something I can do for you.

Where are you right now?

[legal_eagle]

Cafeteria. Why?

a-a-action

[5055034455]

[Because he's coming over, that's why.

She probably knows the sound of his footsteps well enough by now, but he still pokes her shoulder when he walks up behind her, a silent little guess who.]

:D

[legal_eagle]

[She turns and shoots him a rather irritable glance. A fine reward for making the journey.]

Who invited you?

[5055034455]

[Her glance is met with a completely feigned pout.]

And here I was gonna make you pancakes...

[legal_eagle]

Like you can cook.

[5055034455]

Um, excuse you. I used to cook breakfast for my roommates almost every morning back on Earth. I'd tell you to ask them, but...

[They both went home.

Saul makes a face.]

You want 'em or not?

[legal_eagle]

[She looks up at him, narrowing her eyes in confusion.]

Wait, are you really offering?